In a time when everything moves quickly, even human relationships can seem disposable. Ghosting, when someone cuts off communication without an explanation or goodbye, has become so common that many people see it as normal. We live in an increasingly cold and empty world, where disappearing from someone’s life without saying a word can seem like an attractive option.
I wanted to write this devotional with everyone who has been through this in mind, because if you have ever been ghosted, you know that silence can often leave an open wound. Personally, I have never liked ghosting anyone. Not because I have never had reasons to, but because I know how it feels. That is why, when I have a conflict with someone, I prefer to talk about it with respect and clarity. And if I need to distance myself for one reason or another, I explain why with kindness. Even when I feel like the other person “doesn’t deserve it,” I believe we are called to reflect Christ at all times. I am sure God is not pleased when we treat others with coldness or indifference.
I also want to clarify what kind of ghosting I am talking about in this devotional. I am talking about situations where we can have a conversation with the other person, but we choose to disappear because it is easier. I am not talking about situations where someone is aggressive, threatens you, or there is any reason to believe that approaching them could put you in danger. In those cases, distancing yourself may be necessary, and you do not have to put yourself at risk just to have a face-to-face conversation.
God Created Us in His Image
Every day we sin against God, and yet He continues to call us back to Him and offers us forgiveness. God desires a relationship with us and opened the way for us to be reconciled to Him. If God continues to reach out to us even when we fail Him, I believe we can also be willing to talk when someone fails us.
God created us in His image (Genesis 1:27), and that should also influence the way we treat people when we are upset with them. Sometimes someone does something that hurts us, and our first reaction is to pull away. The problem is that the person may not even know what they did. There may have been a misunderstanding, they may be willing to apologize, or perhaps they want to make things right. If we disappear without saying anything, we do not give them the opportunity to do that.
Jesus taught, “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone” (Matthew 18:15). Some conversations are uncomfortable, but sometimes we need to have them. Saying, “What you did hurt me,” takes more courage than simply stopping replying to someone’s messages, but it can also keep a relationship from ending over something that might have been resolved. Ephesians 4:15 also calls us to speak the truth in love. We can be honest without being cruel.
The Bible also calls us to seek peace with others. Romans 12:18 says, “If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.” I like that the verse says “if it is possible” and “as much as depends on you,” because it recognizes that we will not always have control over the outcome. We can approach the person, respectfully explain what happened, and give them the opportunity to respond. We can also listen to what they have to say and acknowledge our part if we did something wrong. After that, we cannot control how they will react, whether they will acknowledge what they did, or whether they will be willing to work things out. That part is no longer up to us.
But there is always a possibility that the conversation will open the door to reconciliation. A relationship we thought we were going to end may even be able to be repaired.
Of course, things are different when you have already talked about it. If you have explained several times what was happening, set boundaries, and the person still continues doing the same thing, you do not have to keep repeating yourself indefinitely. The Bible recognizes that some people refuse to receive correction (Proverbs 9:7–8). If you have already been clear, the other person knows why you are distancing yourself. The same applies when you try to talk and they refuse to listen. You do not have to chase anyone down and force them to have a conversation with you. You can do your part, but in the end, their response belongs to them.
Many times, we are afraid of conflict, we are upset, or we think we do not owe anyone an explanation. It may seem much easier to stop responding than to sit down and talk about something uncomfortable. But the way we handle those moments is also part of our Christian life. Jesus treated people with dignity. He took the time to listen to them, teach them, and speak to them with love. He also knew when to remain silent and when to walk away, but He never treated anyone as though they had no value.
For the Person Who Was Ghosted Without an Explanation
Now there is the other side of the story. When a relative or a friend has ghosted me, I have often found myself wondering, Did I hurt them? Did I say something wrong? I have even prayed, “Lord, if I wronged that person, please forgive me.” Sometimes you are excited about a friendship that seemed genuine and then, suddenly, “coquí,” silence. You have no idea what happened, so you start replaying conversations in your mind, trying to find an explanation.
There is nothing wrong with examining our own behavior. If we realize that we did something that hurt another person, we can acknowledge it and apologize. But there is also a possibility that you did nothing wrong. Not long ago, I heard a teaching by Yesenia Then in which she said, “Sometimes, you haven’t done anything to certain people… And you are left wondering, ‘What did I do?’ But there are things that have no human logic… they are spiritual.”
We do not always know what is going on in another person’s life or mind. They may be dealing with wounds, thoughts, decisions, or problems we know nothing about. We also know, as Ephesians 6:12 reminds us, that our spiritual lives involve struggles that go far beyond what we can see. So we do not have to automatically assume that someone disappeared because we did something wrong.
Maybe you tried reaching out and asked what happened. Perhaps you asked directly whether you had done something that bothered them and never received an answer. At some point, you have to accept that you cannot force someone to talk to you. You can examine your heart before God and be willing to apologize if you did something wrong. You can even leave the door open for a future conversation. After that, the decision to respond belongs to the other person. This is where the words of Romans 12:18 make sense again: “as much as depends on you.”
You may never receive the explanation you wanted, and that can hurt deeply, especially when the person was important to you. Psalm 27:10 says, “When my father and my mother forsake me, then the Lord will take care of me.” You can bring God the questions that person never answered and ask Him to show you if there is anything you need to learn from what happened. You can also leave with Him what you never came to understand.
Not receiving an explanation does not mean you have to keep waiting forever either. You can forgive and continue with your life without holding on to resentment. If that person comes back someday wanting to talk, you can use wisdom to decide what to do and what place they may have in your life again. Forgiveness does not require you to rebuild a relationship exactly as it was before.
In the end, I think both sides have something to consider. If you are thinking about disappearing from someone’s life, ask yourself whether there is a conversation you need to have first. Maybe that person does not even know what happened and deserves the opportunity to respond. If you are the one who was left without an explanation, you can examine your heart, do what is in your hands, and accept that you cannot control what the other person chooses to do. Some relationships may be reconciled, while others will end. In either case, we are still responsible for how we treat people and for reflecting Christ, even when relationships get complicated and the “block” button starts looking pretty tempting.
Photo by Sanket Mishra on Unsplash
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